Saving the best (in my opinion) for last, in this short series of Amanda Palmer songs.
"In My Mind" Music Video - Amanda Palmer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9WZtxRWieM
At the risk of quoting nearly the whole song, here are some lyrics that resonate.
"Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be"
>>> Funny how life conspires to throw things at you that you never imagined.
"I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older"
>>> I totally relate to this. Yeah, sure. When I'm older. Except here I am, at the "older" stage (I've found white nose hairs, for crying out loud!), whatever that means. Yet it rarely happens that I slow down to take a look around.
"How strange to see
That I don't wanna be the person that I want to be"
>>> Kind of like my Jackson Browne/Pretender post. You have a certain image of what you want, what you think you want in life. Then you get there and you say, wait, what is this? Is this really what I wanted??? Why was I chasing THIS all along?
"And when they put me in the ground
I'll start pounding the lid
Saying I haven't finished yet
I still have a tattoo to get
That says I'm living in the moment"
>>> Well, I don't want a tattoo. But I sure do want to do a better job of living in the moment. There are moments when I actually do manage to live in the moment, and I try to savor them.
"But maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I wanna live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be"
>>> It is sad. And maybe she's right, that we only realize that at the end. Funny/sad at the same time. But you have to laugh at it sometimes, and appreciate the ironies and the twists and the turns. Because while I have regrets, there has been a lot of fun along the way, too.
"Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be"
>>> I don't think I'm at this stage yet. But I WANT to be able to say this.
Well, I might as well show all the lyrics, since I've quoted half the song already. :) From AZ Lyrics:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/amandapalmer/inmymind.html
"In My Mind"
(feat. Brian Viglione)
In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm one hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hung over
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be
And in my mind
In the faraway here and now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I will be the picture of of discipline
Never fucking up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be
And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
But that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
And I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't wanna be the person that I want to be
And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I'll start pounding the lid
Saying I haven't finished yet
I still have a tattoo to get
That says I'm living in the moment
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this, win this fight
[Sounds like she said "win this winless fight"--yes, I did submit a correction.]
But maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I wanna live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be
Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be
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