Okay, I'm ready. Bring on the robots. I can't deal with stupid human drones anymore.
I don't know how to categorize this story. Is it a funny story? Sad? Tragic? You decide. I ultimately called it a horror story.
It all started with a visit to a local fast food place. Yes, I sometimes cave in to convenience and cravings. I went to the drive-through ("Drive-thru"? I guess we can't spell anymore, either) and ordered a simple value meal with a coupon, the total came to $4.76.
At this point I have to admit, I am part of the problem here. Why? I still use cash when convenient. (I also drive a manual transmission, think the designated hitter and interleague play are stupid, and know how to count--yes, I'm old.) Why should credit card companies take a cut of every transaction we make? By paying cash I am incrementally helping the profits of the businesses I may have to re-think that policy. Many companies do not deserve this courtesy.
Back to my fast food value meal. Placed the order, saw $4.76 on the screen, and looked at what money I had. I didn't have enough singles, so I grabbed a $5 dollar bill. To make change easier, and to get rid of some coins (otherwise they pile up), I grabbed three quarters and a penny. Simple, I'll get a dollar back. Easier for the worker drone (I say that derisively after the fact, but I didn't have that attitude until after this transaction) and preferable for me. Win win, or so I thought.
I have the money ready as I pull up to the window. Girl says, "$4.76 please." Now, I've done this before, this isn't my first rodeo. I know people in this role are on autopilot, they're not expecting someone to pay with coins, let alone cash in any form. I know if I hand over the $5 bill first she'll just turn away and get change. So I hand her the 76 cents first, "Here's 76 cents." Then the $5, "And a five, $5.76."
By the way, I always state clearly how much money I've handed over. I learned this a long time ago, as a kid, when I gave a woman a $20 bill to pay for something at a ski hill and she tried to give me change as if I only handed her a $10. Now, a good cashier will always state how much money you've handed over, or say "out of [amount you handed over" to confirm how much money he or she has received. But most don't do this, so I take it upon myself to clarify how much money I've handed over, as I hand it over. If I make a mistake, they can clearly say, before they put it in the till, how much money they have in their hands. In fact, it is their responsibility to do so at that time, they cannot claim later I gave them a different amount.
She turns away, puts the money in the till, turns back to me with a receipt and change, in the form of coins. "71 cents," she says. Wait, what? How the f#@% do you get 71 cents out of this. In order to get 71 cents in change, I'd have to have given her $5.47. Remember, I handed her a $5 bill and four coins--one penny and three identical coins. What four coins would give 47 cents??
I had already held out my hand and before I could say, "No, that's not right," she had put the coins in my hand. I took the receipt but handed the coins back to her saying, no, the correct change is exactly $1. Unfortunately, I did this awkwardly and some coins fell to the ground. I did open my car door, reach down, and pick coins up off the ground. I'm not sure I got all the coins that fell, but I also got coins that were previously there. It was a dry day out, but the drive-through window was in the shade. Some of the coins I picked up were cold and wet, obviously they had been there prior to me driving up.
When I looked up, with coins in my hand to give back, expecting to be receiving a dollar in change, I saw a second woman at the window. She didn't seem interested in taking the money that I was extending towards her. She was asking what happened, and I explained that I hadn't received correct change. She did not help me, she just left. I'm not making that up. The first woman was nowhere to be found, either.
Soon a third person showed up, a young man, seemed like another manager type. He also seemed generally clueless, but asked what was going on. I said I was waiting for my change. I told him that I had handed the first woman three quarters and a penny, then a five dollar bill. The bill was $4.76. I expected a dollar back, but was given 71 cents. I tried to explain it to him like he was five, because I figured that was the only way to get through this.
He looked in the till and said that they didn't even have three quarters in the till. I said that's very strange, given that I just handed the first woman three of them, but it might be explained by the fact that some change fell on the ground as the first woman tried to hand coins to me but then I tried to hand those coins back. I then held out my hand with the coins I had picked up off the ground, one of which was a quarter, but I am not certain I got all the coins that had dropped.
Side note: If they don't even have three quarters in the till, clearly nobody is paying cash anymore. I guess businesses are cool paying a couple percent to credit card companies, over and over.
The young man looked at me and asked me what I wanted. I said clearly: I want my food and my $1 in change. Or my $5.76 back. I said it in a way that indicated I wasn't moving until I got one of those two things.
Finally he reached into the till and handed me a dollar bill. I didn't move. Awkwardly he then said, "Did you get your food?" No, I did not. He reached down, grabbed my drink, and handed it to me. He then stepped back as the first woman stepped to the window and handed me my food.
What a painful experience. It was seriously hard to watch that level of incompetence. Part of me says I'll never go back to that store. But another part of me was so amused/horrified I may just do it again, to see how it goes. It was entertaining, a glimpse of a world I'm happy to not live in. Like a horror movie, in a way. And there's the title of my post, it finally came to me. :)
If you are a cashier, I have two suggestions. Learn to count, please. And confirm how much money a customer has given to you, as they give it to you. Cashier: "That will be $4.76 please. Customer: [hands over money]. Cashier: "Out of $5.76, thank you. Your change is $1." I know that most cashiers suck, so I take it upon myself to state how much money I'm handing over, but this is really the role of the cashier.
